“And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 [KJV]
I had a classmate with chronic physical and mental health issues. Over a couple of years, I learnt I could instantly tell how her week had been. On ‘good’ weeks, she would arrive at class on Friday mornings with minimal make-up. On ‘bad’ weeks, she would layer on the make-up, desperate to create a façade that hid how much she was struggling.
Like that girl, we all have our facades. We build them carefully out of make-up, clothing, body language, words, photos, actions and even home décor. We want people to assume that our ‘best side’ is our only side. No matter what struggles are occurring in our hearts, we keep up a good front, hoping others will be impressed by our acts of kindness, material success, persona, and godliness. Did so-and-so notice my kind gesture towards that other person? How patient I was with that child? How self-controlled I was (outwardly) when that person was so mean to me?
When you are talking to someone, do you find yourself thinking, I won’t say that because then she might think less of me? Or, so-and-so is watching, I better put on a smile and pretend everything is fine? Sometimes it seems that everybody but me is living the perfect life. They are the perfect wife, mother, friend, employee, homemaker, community member or ministry worker. I read a devotional recently that likened Christian women to beautiful flowers. Me, a beautiful flower? I feel more like an onion, hiding the layers of my imperfect self under that fragile, paper-thin skin. But I feel the pressure to look like a flower. I don’t want others to see my struggles and failings. I don’t want them to know about the time I organised a game for primary school aged children that ended with mutiny and tears. I don’t want people to know that sometimes I am too stressed to sleep. Or how much I procrastinate. Or that I eat gherkins straight from the jar.
We rationalise our fakery. After all, a business has a brand, an author has a writing style, and a product will have a catchy slogan. “Fake it until you make it,” is a popular entrepreneurial slogan of our day. There are hundreds of self-help books that give tips on how craft a ‘personal brand’ to ensure others only see what you want them to see. Whose business is it if you don’t do those things consistently? Or if you did them solely to impress another person?
Yet the Bible calls facades hypocrisy. Jesus condemned such behaviour, saying “Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness. Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity” (Matthew 23:27-28). Even though our outward show may fool others, God sees our hearts (1 Samuel 16:7). Matthew 6:1 says, “Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.” Trying to appear more spiritual and generous hearted than we are, is called “lying to the Holy Ghost” in the case of Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5). Instead of trusting God to enable us to live a genuine Christian life, we become self-reliant, proud individuals who prioritise the honour of others over God’s glory. There are many aspects and implications of hypocrisy, but I want to focus today on how pretending to be the perfect Christian woman is contrary to the Biblical command to edify one another (Ephesians 4:12, 1 Timothy 1:4). Honesty about our struggles can help build each other up and encourage Christian growth.
Here’s a Biblical example of what I mean. Many of us have been encouraged by the promise God gave to the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness”. But look at the context: Paul explains that he was in danger of becoming proud, and that a physical “thorn in the flesh” (believed by many commentators to a vision impairment) was used by God to keep him humble. Paul was distressed by his circumstances, saying that he begged the Lord three times to take it away. The Lord responded with those wonderful words that have been–and are–an encouragement to weary bodies, souls and spirits across the world. But wait a moment, with whom was Paul sharing so honestly? His most confidential friend? No, Paul was writing to a church that was challenging his authority as an Apostle (2 Corinthians 1,12) and had attacked his character (2 Corinthians 10). Shouldn’t Paul have tried to impress the Corinthians with his superior spirituality? Didn’t he realise the Corinthians might seize on Paul’s admissions to justify their behaviour?
Paul was willing to share his personal struggles because he wanted to help the Corinthians to be strong, faithful Christians. When it comes to sharing about personal matters, we need to consider our motivation, audience and content. Sharing with others is primarily to help or be helped. When we share to encourage, we seek to share truth and hope. Share not just the trials, but those answers to prayer, those lessons learnt, that verse that blessed you, and talk of the faithful God who will help others too. God’s grace is sufficient. What greater source of encouragement is there than the Bible, with Romans 15:4 saying, “For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.” When we share to be helped, however, we don’t need to come with a solution, because we anticipate that the listener will be used by God to help us appropriate God’s grace in our trials.
What shouldn’t you share? Something might be true, but is it your news to share, or someone else’s? God condemns those who are “tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not” (1 Timothy 5:13). Is it appropriate for your audience? For example, how you discuss evil with an adult is different to how you would discuss the same matter with a young child. Additionally, would sharing too much detail encourage impure thoughts? Or make them nauseous? I have older sisters who are nurses, and sometimes dinner table conversations turned into discussions about graphic nursing experiences… ugh! Does sharing too little detail give someone the wrong impression, and perhaps lead to them unintentionally giving you advice they would later regret?
What if we know we should share but we’re scared–somewhere between slightly nervous and terrified–that the other person will think less of us? It’s hard to not worry about what others think, but ultimately, we cannot control their opinions. What God thinks of us, and how we can glorify Him, is more important. “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). It’s not about you; it’s about doing what God wants. The Christian life is a joyous road, but it also a challenging one. How much we need to share and to hear those stories of a loving God reaching out to save and uplift seeking, needy hearts! Maybe it’s a life-changing story that could fill a 400-page biography. Or maybe it’s a simple one liner that someone shares of how God encouraged them during the week.
Think back on the words of the Apostle Paul. I am so thankful that the Apostle Paul admitted his weaknesses, pointing us instead to the power of Christ to enable us in all circumstances. And today, God still uses His scriptures and His people to help each other to hold to the truth of God’s promise, “My grace is sufficient for thee” (2 Corinthians 12:9b).
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