“God setteth the solitary in families; He bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.”
Psalm 68:6
As I type this, it’s December, less than two weeks to Christmas. At church, we have recently sung ‘Oh Holy Night’, and we look forward to celebrating with more carols, friends, family, and (in our household) cheesecake. While Christmas is a season of joy as we reflect on God’s gift of the Messiah, the season can also trigger many emotions, including acute loneliness. Perhaps someone you loved has died or become estranged in the past year. Maybe you’re not particularly close to anyone. Or everyone is so busy with their families, church commitments and holidays that they have little time to spare for you.
However, your loneliness might have nothing to do with Christmas. Perhaps being the only Christian in your workplace makes you feel isolated. Or you think that no one you know can empathise with your disability, ongoing illness or circumstances. Maybe you became a Christian as an adult and have a background you think none of those “born-in-a-church” people could understand. Perhaps your spouse, family or friends don’t care about the things of God in the way you do; and cannot understand your passion for ministry or ongoing struggles for victory over a besetting sin. Or perhaps you’re a mother who misses the relationships and time she had with others before having children. Sometimes you may have a great church, an amazing spouse, a caring family, a busy social life, or a cat that loves cuddles… and you still feel lonely.
According to Flinders Uni, “loneliness is the discrepancy (difference) between a person's desired and actual social relationships”. You might be surrounded by people. However, they might not share your values or give the emotional, social and spiritual oneness you crave. Look at Job. Three friends came to sit with him in his trials, but instead of being encouraged, Job was provoked into saying, “miserable comforters are ye all” (Job 16:2b). Friends and family might be well intentioned, but they don’t always understand our needs, desires, struggles and situations. We might not be fleeing a vengeful King Saul, but we can sometimes relate to the words David spoke, “I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul” (Psalm 142:4).
As Christians, should we expect to feel lonely? If you feel out of place in your world-focused workplace, family and acquaintances, take heart. In 1 Peter 2:11, Christians are described as “strangers and pilgrims”, while 2 Corinthians 6:14 asks, “what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?” Something has gone very wrong with our spiritual health if we don’t recognise that it is impossible to have close relationships or the same perspective on life with non-Christians. Jesus told us, “ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world” (John 15:19b). What about other types of loneliness though? What about the times when you have no other human to confide in, laugh with, love you unconditionally or be there for you? What do we do when loneliness is so overwhelming, we become sad, bitter, angry or withdrawn? Or when we dismiss platonic relationships because we crave a romantic relationship? Or when we begin to question whether God is kind and loving?
How does God want us to respond when we feel lonely? In Psalm 68:6, we read, “God setteth the solitary in families; He bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.”
The first word of that verse is God. God gives us the Holy Spirit, who is the Comforter, so that we are never alone. Christ calls us His friends (Johns 15:15). Even though we can feel deserted, isolated and forsaken by the humans we think should support us, “God is our refuge and strength” (Psalm 46:1). As David wrote, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up” (Psalm 27:10). God gives us the same promise He gave to the nation of Israel thousands of years ago, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness” (Isaiah 41:10). All of us must learn the important lesson: fulfilment comes from God alone. A human relationship can never permanently fulfil that void in your heart. A human cannot do what only God can do. “For He [the Lord] satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness” Psalm 107:9.
Yet God also generously blesses us by placing the solitary into families. God gives us two sorts of families, one biological and one spiritual. If God has given you Christian family members, don’t neglect to work on those relationships. Don’t assume you know your sibling just because you share DNA or their bed was 18 inches away from yours. Surprising fact: siblings can also be close friends! However, sometimes people don’t have physical families. Or their relatives are either not Christians, or are Christians whose bad life choices have taken them down dangerous trajectories. The good news is that God also gives us spiritual families. Ephesians 2:19 says, “Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints, and of the household of God.” Our church family is typically where we find people who share common values and purposes. As we seek God, He can help us develop relationships with other Christians that go beyond friendship to true fellowship (Hebrew 10:24-25, see blog post titled “Friendship vs Fellowship).
Psalm 68:6 continues, God “bringeth out those which are bound with chains”. Some prisons are physical, but emotions such as loneliness can trap us in our self-pity and blind us to God’s goodness and provision. Sometimes the people God gives us as friends are ones we already know. An existing superficial acquaintance can become a deeper, important friendship when both of you love God and seek to please Him. Don’t be so busy whinging internally about your loneliness that you ignore the people in the church where God has placed you, people you knew when growing up, or as I mentioned previously, siblings, parents and/or your spouse. Sometimes we need the Lord to open our eyes, because we literally cannot see past the end of our noses.
Today’s verse in Psalm 68 is a promise to the obedient. David says, “The rebellious dwell in a dry land.” This was true literally for the Israelites, who had been brought up out of slavery in Egypt but died in the wilderness after refusing to enter the Promised Land. When we refuse to trust God, we too miss out on His blessings. Fellowship with God and fellowship with other Christians are the cures for loneliness. Let God be your sufficiency, and let Him decide what sort of ‘family’ He will give you. His will is “good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2) and His promises are reliable. May the sure promise of Psalm 68:6 be your encouragement, “God setteth the solitary in families; He bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.”
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