“Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;”
Hebrews 12:15 [KJV]
I once spoke with a lady who had been knocked over by a cyclist who did not stop. “My ankle was shattered, and I’ll never be able to walk properly again,” she said. “I hate that cyclist. I hope he is hit by a car. He deserves to suffer as I did.”
Like that lady, we’ve all experienced or witnessed injustices that have irreversibly altered lives. These events often trigger anger and hurt, which can develop into resentment and unhappiness. How dare the wrong-doer act that way? How can I be happy when I am constantly reminded how much my life or relationships have changed for the worst?
Bitterness can lead to gossip, spite or revenge that directly contradict God’s command in Romans 12:17, “Recompense to no man evil for evil.” Even secret bitterness affects us mentally, physically, and spiritually. A medical study found bitterness causes unhappiness, and is associated with higher rates of depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, disrupted sleep, high blood pressure, and reduced life expectancy. We might start being bitter towards a person or circumstances, but ultimately we become bitter against God. Just ask my namesake in the Bible: “And she said unto them, Call me not Naomi, call me Mara: for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, and the LORD hath brought me home again empty.” (Ruth 1:20-21a). When we are bitter at God, we reject His sovereignty, question His goodness, become unthankful and sabotage our spiritual growth.
Your bitterness also affects others. Have you ever tried to remove morning glory vine from your garden? It’s a pretty vine, with purple flowers and heart-shaped leaves, but oh, I detest the long, fast-growing tendrils that choke every plant and tree they encounter. Bitterness is like that morning glory vine. What might seem to you to be one little root of bitterness has the potential to become an unstoppable weed that chokes the life out of myself, my family and others. Hebrews 12:15 says we should be “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;”.
The antidote to bitterness is forgiveness. The word forgiveness means ‘to let go’ (Strongs, 2023), and involves choosing to let go of such things as the negative emotions and attitudes associated with the wrongdoing. It’s a declaration that God is sovereign and that you are moving forward, allowing Him, rather than yourself, to decide what happens next, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” (Romans 12:19b).
We’ve all heard the saying, “Forgive and forget”. However, that phrase does not appear in the Bible, and forgiveness actually involves confronting and dealing with the wrong. Think back on that incident and its context, and try to see it from the other person’s perspective. Perhaps, in reflection, you decide that you over-estimated the incident’s significance and can let it go. Alternately, thinking back over the incident may confirm that the person did wrong you and that there were major ongoing consequences, or something that needs to be rectified. You can only forgive if you have been wronged. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” While we don’t face eternal damnation, Jesus still bears those physical scars from the cross (Luke 24:39-40), and we still face consequences in this life, sometimes years later.
But, you say, that person who wronged me doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. Correct. They don’t. No more than you earnt God’s mercy. But if Christ can forgive those who killed Him (Luke 23:34) we, empowered by the Holy Spirit living in us (2 Timothy 1:7), can also forgive those who wrong us. No wrong a person can do to us is greater than the wrong we did to God, but, “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8b).
Forgiveness does not depend on the person’s response. The person may deny they did wrong, or apologise, but then repeat their behaviour. Sometimes you might go back and tell someone you have forgiven them. Sometimes that is not possible.
Forgiveness, like all aspects of our Christian walk, depends on faith. You trusted God with your eternal destiny when you became a Christian; can you not trust Him with this matter too? Can you not surrender this burden to him, “Casting all your care upon him; for He careth for you” (1 Peter 5:7)? Can you keep surrendering that burden, even if you must confront the wrong-doer, or deal with ongoing consequences?
Bitterness is like that morning glory vine. Just when you think you have rooted it out, it reappears behind some other overgrown bush. But even that detestable vine is no match for the Holy Spirit’s enabling, and the powerful herbicides of forgiveness, thankfulness, and the Word of God.
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