Singleness: More than just a waiting period

There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband”

1 Corinthians 7:34 [KJV]

Camellia japonica. Image credit: Miranda

Over the years, I’ve heard women use many different words to describe their singleness. Some call it a season, a stage of life, a curse, an ‘on hold’ or waiting period, a roadblock or a trial. But today I want to look at four different ways the Bible describes singleness: as God’s design, as a calling, as a burden and finally as a blessing. So, let’s jump straight into today’s topic.

Singleness as God’s design

Perhaps you’ve heard people say, “In a perfect world, all Christians would be married”. Certainly, in a world untainted by sin, single women would not outnumber single men in churches, and there would be no widows. But did you realise seasons of singleness were always part of God’s perfect plan for humanity?

Genesis 2 records that Adam was both the first man, and the first single person. “And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:20). Later, God created Eve and officiated at the first marriage ceremony: “And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man” (Genesis 2:22). Adam’s initial singleness served two purposes. Firstly, he had a task he needed to focus on without distraction (see 1 Corinthians 7:32.35), and secondly, he realised the inadequacy of self-reliance. Though sin’s curse has led to longer and more prevalent seasons of singleness, God Himself is unchanged (Malachi 3:6). The God who willed Adam to experience singleness in a perfect world, has the right to ordain singleness—short-term or long-term—in an imperfect world.

When a woman refuses to accept that singleness may be part of God’s good, acceptable and perfect will for her (Romans 12:2), she places herself in severe spiritual, emotional (and likely moral) danger. Romans 1 warns an unthankful spirit leads to other sins, and defeated Christians become susceptible to fleshly lusts (James 1:14). Rebelling against God’s authority sometimes looks attractive, particularly when people boast of how their romance resulted from compromises, such as moving to a doctrinally weak church because it had more single men. But never forget that this is the same spirit of rebellion that cost King Saul his crown (1 Samuel 15:23) and will cost the believer God’s blessing (James 4:10).

Singleness as a calling

In 1 Corinthians 7, the Apostle Paul describes both singleness and marriage as ‘callings’. Paul highly valued marriage, even using it to illustrate Christ’s relationship with His church (Ephesians 5). But he also preached—and modelled—obedience to God. And here in 1 Corinthians 7, he reveals he is presently single (v8), and lists reasons this has been an advantage to his ministry (v29-32). If God had wanted Paul to marry, he would have married. But instead, God called him at this time to serve as a single man.  

God’s “commandments are not grievous” (1 John 5:3), and He has a purpose for everything He allows in our lives (Jeremiah 29:11). When God calls a woman to singleness, she should remain there in obedience unless He later calls her to marriage. First Corinthians 7:24 reads, “Brethren, let every man [and woman], wherein he is called, therein abide with God”.

But how long does God call you to be single? If Mr Right is out there, who is he? Dear single sister, we all ask such questions. Yet God usually reveals His specific will one step at a time, growing our faith in the process. Abraham’s servant testified, “I being in the way, the LORD led me” (Genesis 24:27). Gideon only gradually learnt the specifics of how God planned to defeat the Midianites (Judges 6-7). And Proverbs 16:9 says, "A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps."

A calling to singleness today does not necessarily mean singleness is God’s will for next year. But rather than worrying about the future (Matthew 6:34), let’s embrace God’s plan for the present. Remember, “Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:24).

Singleness as a burden

Although singleness is part of God’s will, it brings real burdens. God’s grace is sufficient for all of them, and none of them are unique to singles or reasons to rebel against God. Additionally, what one single woman feels keenly, another may regard with indifference. But here are four burdens I’ve personally felt acutely at different points.

The first of these is the constant battle for purity. Our fleshly, sin-perverted nature is quick to respond to the lures of a world saturated with sexuality (Romans 7:18; James 1:14). Impurity of all kinds is just a click, a thought, a word or an image away from the believer. Marriage is a safeguard against fornication (1 Corinthians 7:2). But singleness is no excuse for indulgence, since Romans 13:14 commands all Christians, “But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.”

Secondly, there is loneliness. I’m thankful for the wonderful and mutual blessings of having Christian family members and friends in different locations and life stages. But it’s not the same as having someone walking with me on the same life path. When the loneliness grows overwhelming, I surrender again to God’s will and cling to His promises such as “For thy Maker is thine husband” (Isaiah 54:5a). No matter what I face, God Himself says, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee …help thee …uphold thee” (Isaiah 41:10).

Thirdly, many single women are tempted to develop a warped view of God’s goodness. The Bible calls marriage a good thing (Proverbs 18:22), so how do singles interpret “no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11b)? Rather than demanding God fulfils our dreams, we find blessing in submission and letting God decide what form His good, acceptable and perfect will looks like for each one of us.

Lastly, there is the burden of other people’s expectations, such as pressure to date, advice about what you need to do to ‘fix’ your singleness, or even married people placing unreasonable demands on your time. Galatians 1:10 warns that pleasing people does not please Christ, and Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.”

Whatever form your burden takes, God says, “Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee” (Psalm 55:22).

Singleness as a blessing

Singleness is also a time of blessing. Scripture even describes singleness as a spiritual gift (1 Corinthians 7:7). Like every spiritual gift, it is given by God to benefit the church: “As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God” (1 Peter 4:10). Paul explains that married and single women differ in their priorities, not value (1 Corinthians 7:34). While a married woman should still put God first (Matthew 22:37-38), she rightly focuses on her husband and home (Titus 2:5). However, the single woman’s focus is using her gift of singleness to serve Christ in the local church.

Singleness also provides opportunity for spiritual growth. A single person can focus more on the Lord and developing holiness in body and spirit (1 Corinthians 7:34). Singleness is not ‘life on hold’ or simply about preparing for marriage, but a time to grow spiritually and serve God wherever He leads. “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification,” (1 Thessalonians 4:3a). Therefore, single women must guard their heart focus, because obsessions with romance, hobbies or career progression divert attention from the Lord.

Another blessing is the ability to develop strong friendships. A single woman can invest the time, emotional capacity and love that a married woman gives her husband, into a wide range of people’s lives. These friendships provide stability and enable her to encourage and disciple other women and children (Hebrews 3:13, 10:24-25).

Finally, a single godly woman learns to depend wholly on God. A married woman naturally leans on her husband for support, but a single woman’s dependence must be on God alone. And when she truly understands what it is to have the Eternal God as her refuge (Deuteronomy 33:27), and how to be a branch of His vine, her life will bear much fruit (John 15:5).  

Conclusion

As single people, let’s not be in such a rush to reach the ‘next season’ of life that we fail to grow and serve in the present. Let’s commit to caring for the things of the Lord, and being holy both in body and in spirit.