“See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.”
Ephesians 5:15-17 [KJV]
A while ago, someone asked me if I could spend the next day with them and some friends. “I’m sorry,” I told the person, “I’m sure it would be fun, but tomorrow is one of my writing days.”
“It’s the only day that works for everyone else,” she begged, “Can’t you write another time?”
I shook my head, “The deadline is fixed, and the week is already so busy I won’t be able to find time for writing if I give up that day.”
My head told me I had made the right decision, but my feelings weren’t so sure. What was I missing out on? Would it really matter if I missed the deadline? Had I been selfish? Had I hurt her feelings?
Sometimes saying no is very hard, particularly when the request comes as an emotional appeal from someone we love. “But it’s just a once-off,” someone pleads, when they ask you to skip church. Or they say, “I thought you loved me, why can’t you just be happy for me?” when you confront them over their ungodly decision. Or we don’t feel we can take on an extra ministry, but so-and-so says we would be a perfect fit, and claims we are an answer to their prayers. Everybody knows single people have all the time in the world, right? Other times it’s a “too good to not accept” discount or offer, and suddenly your house is full of bulk toilet paper, those free pieces of wood you might one day find useful, and those fifteen saucepans (true story) from the friend who just moved into a nursing home. Your calendar is full of events, the to-do list is endless, and suddenly sleep seems a waste of time because who has that many hours to do nothing?
This subject is important because a ‘yes’ to something means a ‘no’ to other things. This contrast is pictured in salvation, described as turning to God from idols (1 Thessalonians 1:9). It is also there in our ongoing sanctifying walk with God, where we are told Christ “died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto Him which died for them, and rose again” (2 Corinthians 5:15). Saying ‘yes’ to living for Christ means saying ‘no’ to anything conflicting with this, including living for our ourselves. But how do we figure out what is a correct ‘no’ versus a selfish ‘no’? Why do I feel guilty about even a so-called right ‘no’?
Ephesians has some important principles about learning when to say ‘no’. These verses, written to Christians, say, “See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is” (Ephesians 5:15-17).
Firstly, “See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise” (verse 15). Circumspectly means exactly or perfectly; a way we can only live if we are walking in obedience to God and a continuation of Paul’s message in the chapter to “Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children” (Ephesians 5:1). Similarly, being wise reminds us that “the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom” (Proverbs 9:10). Let’s walk wisely and start by saying the obvious ‘no’ to things that would displease God. Put aside the fear of missing out, the guilt linked to emotional ties and your worry over what others think. Is the action you are considering doing or being asked to support sin? Will it lead to compromise? In Luke 4, Jesus, who “was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15) said no repeatedly to the devil’s temptations. Yes, you will have to say no and keep saying no. Our spirit might be willing, but our flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41) and it is the grace of God that teaches us to “deny ungodliness… and live soberly, righteously and godly in this present world” (Titus 2:12). Submission to God (James 4:7), prayer (Matthew 26:41), and knowing the scriptures (Matthew 22:29) will empower us to understand God’s truths and say no to sin and temptations.
Ephesians 5 continues, “Redeeming the time, because the days are evil” (verse 16). If time needs to be redeemed or bought back, it implies it is both valuable and finite. We certainly live in evil days, in a world controlled by the evil one (Ephesians 2:2), and Christ could return at any moment (Matthew 25:13) so we have no time to waste. There simply isn’t the time for both everything we should do and everything we could do. We need to prioritise, and the most important aspect of our lives is our relationship with Christ. Sometimes I look at women who are so busy doing things–even good things–and wonder where they find time to pray, meditate on scripture and spend time getting to know God. Some busy women somehow have a thriving spiritual life. But I know I’m not one of those people, and the busier I am, the more I neglect the most important relationship in my life. Needs might be overwhelming, yet Jesus went apart into a solitary place to pray (Mark 1:35), Psalm 62:5 tells us, “wait thou only upon God”, and 1 Chronicles 16:11 says to “Seek the LORD and His strength, seek His face continually.” If we say yes to things at the expense of our relationship with God, it’s counterproductive, because our lives will lack the power and fruit that comes from abiding in Christ (John 15:4-5).
Finally, Ephesians 5:17 says, “Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.” When we are secure in the knowledge that we are doing what God wants, it becomes easier to identify what isn’t God’s will for us. In the Old Testament, we read of Nehemiah who knew God had called him to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem. When the enemies of Israel tried to make him leave, Nehemiah responded confidently, “I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down: why should the work cease, whilst I leave it, and come down to you?” (Nehemiah 6:3b). Thinking back to my opening illustration, the knowledge that God has called me to write helped me prioritise my writing commitment. If your calling is motherhood, and you must cancel at short notice because your child is sick, so be it. If your calling is music, you might have to say no to something to prioritise practice. If you’re called to be an employee, is it wise to accept that invitation that will leave you too tired to work productively the following day? And if you aren’t sure what God’s specific will is, remember that He has revealed His general will through the scriptures. We’re all told “It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so He giveth His beloved sleep” (Psalm 127:2) and to prioritise our relationship with God (Matthew 6:24). Paul also reminds us that while “All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient …I will not be brought under the power of any” (1 Corinthians 6:12). While the verse’s context is about our bodies, it also reminded me that there are people, even Christians, who want us–expect us–to fall in line with their agendas. Just as we are not to be controlled by lust, we should not be controlled by other people. Above all ties of family, friendship, and feelings, we are to mind the things of the Spirit (Romans 8:5).
May we learn to rely on God to enable us to say, and keep saying, ‘no’ to anything that takes us out of His will. Pray that the Lord will help all of us to walk circumspectly, redeem the time and know what the will of God is (Ephesians 5:15-17).
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