Who rules you?

“He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.”

Proverbs 25:28 [KJV]

Last week, I was sitting at my desk when I suddenly felt very downhearted. A heavy emotional weight settled on me, my eyes turned weepy, and my thoughts spiralled.  Is all this study just filling my head with knowledge? Is there any purpose in what I’m doing in life? What if I’m wrong about, well, everything?

Then I paused. Why was I thinking like this?

Moments later, my vision went blurry, and a tremor started on the left side of my body. That’s when I realised the cause of my low mood was simply a migraine. And – here’s the important part – the ‘down’ feeling did not mean I should question God’s purpose for my life.  

As women, it’s easy to forget that emotions and facts aren’t the same thing. Sometimes emotions match facts – and sometimes they don’t. We’ve all had times when we were really upset about a situation, but our emotions then changed with time, more information, or simply thinking things through. If we aren’t careful, emotions will control us, a thought that is highlighted in Proverbs 25:28, “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” So, let’s talk about emotions, what happens if we let them rule us, and how we can live emotionally stable, God-honouring lives.

What are emotions? Emotions are familiar to all of us, but hard to define. They are states of mind that affect us physically and mentally, and shape how we think, feel and act. Broadly, emotions can be positive, like joy and love, or negative, such as fear or anger.

Where do emotions come from? We humans are made of the body, soul and spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:23). Various words are used to describe our inner emotional centre, including the spirit (Proverbs 25:28), the mind (Proverbs 29:11; Ephesians 4:23), and the heart (Psalm 51:10, Proverbs 4:23). We are made in God’s image, and He has given us the ability to feel because He too experiences emotions such as grief (Ephesians 4:30), anger (Psalm 7:11), love (John 3:16) and sorrow (Matthew 26:38). Emotions can be triggered by circumstances, for example in the Bible, we see Mary mourning her brother’s death (John 11:28-31), and Deborah and Barak rejoicing after victory in battle (Judges 5). Our emotions can also be affected by physical causes, such as lack of sleep, illness or hormonal changes. Our sinful nature also plays a role, particularly in emotions such as jealousy and lust. Other emotions have spiritual causes. A range of emotions, for example can be caused by the Holy Spirit’s work in convicting (John 16:8), comforting (John 14:26) and bringing forth fruit (Galatians 5:22-23). On the other hand, we are warned Satan is a deceiver who seeks to corrupt human minds (Revelation 12:9; 2 Corinthians 11:3).

While the capacity to feel emotion is God-given, our key verse warns that unchecked emotions make a person “like a city that is broken down, and without walls”. In Bible times, cities like Jerusalem depended on great stone walls for safety. Without such walls, the city’s people would be an easy target for thieves or hostile armies. Likewise, if we allow emotions to rule us, we foolishly put ourselves in danger. All people, (especially women!), are at risk of defeat and destruction when feelings take priority over facts. If we don’t allow the Spirit to rule our emotions, the emotions will rule us. The lust-controlled life is typical of the non-Christian: “For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures” (Titus 3:3a). Yet Christians are not immune. Second Peter 2:19b says, “for of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage”. Just as a city without walls is defenceless against attacks, an emotion-driven Christian is unguarded against temptations. Temptations appeal to the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life (1 John 2:16), the same factors that stir emotions. Emotions lead to thoughts, and thoughts to actions – compromise and sin occur in the heart before they turn into visible actions. For example, physical adultery is preceded by emotional adultery, and murder by hatred. Jesus taught that sins, evil things, “come from within, and defile the man” (Mark 7:21-23). This is why Ephesians 4:26-27 says unchecked emotions such as anger “give place to the devil”!

So, can emotions be ruled? Yes. Proverbs 25:28 clearly implies that a man who rules his own spirit is like a built up and walled city. The word rule means to control or constrain. Scripture never says to either ‘Embrace your feelings!’ or ‘Suppress all emotion!’ Neither extreme is Biblical. God gave us emotions because emotions are part of His nature, but He also gave to every Christian the Holy Spirit, whose fruit includes temperance, a word that means ‘self-control’ (Galatians 5:22-23). Though specific emotions dip and rise, God calls us to soberness in our lives for our own protection (1 Peter 5:8) and because it honours Him while we look forward to Christ’s return (Titus 2:12-14).

Regardless of how emotionally driven we consider ourselves, our best defence against all extremes is to follow the commandment, “walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16b). We need to ask the Lord to help us discern the underlying cause of our emotions: some feelings are valid, others are out of proportion with reality, or spring from sinful desires and need to be confessed and forsaken. Yet others should be rejected because they come from physical causes or spiritual attacks.

Reading and meditating on Scripture will sharpen our spiritual awareness and keep us grounded in reality, with the Psalmist declaring in Psalm 119:11, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” When you feel unloved, for example, don’t let those thoughts spiral. Rather, turn to Romans 8:38–39 and let the truth of God’s incredible love for you steady your heart. Bring your burdens to God in prayer, and “he shall sustain thee” (Psalm 55:22b). Ask the Lord for wisdom to learn how to manage your emotions, including whether you need to avoid certain triggers. For example, I once blocked my internet access to certain content on unresolved missing persons cases, because I couldn’t handle the emotional weight of those stories on top of my existing challenges. Above all, focus on the Lord. There is no greater emotional stabiliser in our lives than keeping our eyes on our Almighty God. Asaph declares, “My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever” (Psalm 73:26).

If our emotions are not under control, they will control us. But through the power of the Holy Spirit, each one of us can become a woman who rules her own spirit and is as steady and secure as a walled city.